Even when I’m all the way here
I disappear in your memory
and your lovely, lovely smile.
You beguile me with your beauty
but your sense of duty doesn’t extend to me.
You see, I’m not blood forcing and grasping and ripping through your veins,
Chaining you, tying you to an unestablished undeniable unfulfilling destiny.
But still the part of me that loves the whole of you can’t be abided by your confused sensibility,
That beacon that projects
“I’m ready!”
But means
“Come save me.”
And I would!
I’ve been trying
but I just can’t see through your façade,
that “fake it til you make it” bullshit keeps pulling me in.
You fucking win,
is that what you want?
I’m hogtied in your basement stuffed under the bed of your demons.
I’m writhing and screaming for someone to discover me,
but you’ve silenced me with a gun pressed to my identity in your attempts to deny your own.
I can’t help but condone your efforts-
they’re effective if nothing more.
But see, I won’t try to settle this score,
I can’t!
I’m yours forever and fucking ever
Amen.
Just don’t forget to check on me under your mattress once in awhile
or you might wake up and miss the sound of my breathing and my heart beating in rhythm to the tragedy of your life’s song.
Your fortress of loathing and self-doubt can’t provide for me for long.
